Step 1 - Getting permission from your better half

Breaking the news that you wish to build a pond in your garden can be likened to informing your loved ones that eating fast food seems a far better option than sitting through one more of their roast meals. Many new converts will find themselves faced with horror as those words "I am building a pond" land on the ears of other garden users. They often consider the very thought an abomination. Your usual ally may react with red faced anger with sweat beading off the forehead. They may try the subtle art of selective hearing as a ploy to turn your thoughts to more important matters like the new widescreen, sofa or spa pool. Those hard earned pennies may have already been allotted elsewhere and as the dream of new technology fades, be gentle! Your wish may be adamantly driven through to its conclusion, but there are plenty of ways to skin a cat.

You then need to seek permission. At this point I might suggest some sort of bribery; a present or maybe tickets to that West End show the gardener always wanted to see. As you wade in with both feet and explain that the patch you had in mind had always been waste land be warned; this is when a finely drawn scrap of paper is brought from the mantle. It may explain that this patch was in fact earmarked for an allotment or Japanese garden. The discussions may go on late into the night. By morning you will arrive weary-eyed at a satisfactory conclusion. Compared to this, a position as a UN ambassador may seem an easy option. Normally this truce translates to you being allowed to have a pond, but not of the magnitude you originally intended. Your 'lake Hudson' will have to wait for another day.

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